


Forgive and Forget Only Works in the Movies

by Angelchexmex



Series: NoNoWriMo 2017 One-Shots [2]
Category: Kingsman (Movies), Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
Genre: Angst, Harry is alive, Kind of happy ending, Leaving, M/M, Running Away, broken trust, lack of trust, someone should have told Eggsy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-03
Updated: 2017-11-03
Packaged: 2019-01-29 07:52:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,773
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12626472
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Angelchexmex/pseuds/Angelchexmex
Summary: Eggsy had learned young to live by the saying forgive but never forget, so when he finds out that not only is Harry Hart alive but everyone has known about it for a year now and has been keeping the information from him, there is only one thing he can do. Eggsy forgives them, but he will never forget. It's time to find a place he can call home, and it's obvious now that that place can never be with the Kingsman.





	Forgive and Forget Only Works in the Movies

**Author's Note:**

> So first Kingsman fic but I've gotten tired with all of the stories where Eggsy just forgives everyone for lying to him so easily. Like no, hold a grudge dammit. 
> 
> Please let me know if you guys liked it! I think I might like to delve back into the Kingsman fandom. Eggsy is just too awesome.

“‘s alrigh’ Rox,” Eggsy assured, pressing a kiss to her forehead as she pulled him close. “I fergive ya,” unspoken went the second part of that sentence, a part Eggsy highly doubted Roxy would ever hear or figure out: I forgive you, but I’ll never forget and I’ll never trust you again. Eggsy kept that to himself as Roxy let out something close to a sob into his chest. He still loved her, probably always would, but there was only so much he could take, and keeping a secret like that was simply too much. 

“I am sorry, Eggsy,” Roxy assured him again and Eggsy just pressed another kiss to her forehead. He didn’t want her hurting, not really. No matter how much she hurt him he’d never been fond of hurting other people and he could understand. That was probably the worst part. He could understand exactly why she had kept Harry’s survival from him and it hurt. It hurt that everyone had known before him and everyone had agreed that he wouldn’t be able to handle it. Perhaps worse, it hurt that they’d been right. 

“‘s alrigh’ Rox, luv, ain’t no big deal no more. I jus’ need a bit o’ time tah mahself ya know? I’m no’ leavin’, jus’ takin’ a short vacay. I deserve tha’ much don’ I?” Eggsy pulled back to give Roxy a beaming smile, he’d learned that smile when he was eight and trying to convince old women in the parks to give him treats that they always seemed to have. It was the smile he used when he was trying to convince people that there was not a single thing wrong in the world and that he was happy and innocent as could be. 

Roxy obviously wasn’t convinced, but she also didn’t protest, just giving Eggsy one last quick and fierce hug. “You’ll come back and it’ll be good, great even.” Roxy assured, Eggsy couldn’t find it in him to disagree with her. Nothing would be okay again. 

Eggsy had lived for over a year knowing that Harry Hart was dead, trying to live up to what Harry had thought he could be. He’d strived to be better and greater, to be the best Kingsman to ever exist. Somehow all of it felt like ashes on his tongue and smog in his lungs. It all seemed so very cheap now that he’d known Harry had been pulling his strings all along. He’d been just behind the scenes, perhaps even listening to every conversation Eggsy’d had with his handlers. “I’ll see ya in two weeks, you hold down the fort foh me an’ all. I trus’ you won’ let no one do nothin’ stupid while I’m gone.”

Roxy snorted and nodded, looking more relaxed and happy than she had been in days even though her eyes were red rimmed and she’d been crying just a bit as they’d hugged. Eggsy expected to feel something at that, anything really, but there was nothing more than the general feeling he got when he saw anyone who was happy. It was nice they were happy, but it didn’t really mean much. Eggsy wished it did, wished he had it in him to forgive, but one too many people burning him had taught him to cut people out with no regrets. It was just survival, nothing personal. 

“Go talk to Merlin, please, Eggsy,” Roxy added before Eggsy could leave. He just wanted to be gone so he could cuddle with his little Daisy Doll and JB and just forget everything that had happened in the last week. He’d be fine when he came back, he always was, but he needed time to mourn. He needed to mourn both the friends he’d thought he’d had and the whole life he’d built up for himself which was apparently just lies. He’d mourn and then collect himself and move on. He’d reinvent himself again, just like he always did. 

But he couldn’t do any of that if anyone found his actions suspicious. “O’ course bruv, I’ll see ‘im befoh I step out.” This time Eggsy made sure to leave before Roxy could stop him verbally or physically. 

His shoes echoed hollowly on the ground and for once the sound wasn’t comforting. It was just as empty as Eggsy felt. Walking into the meeting room to greet the new Arthur and finding Harry fucking Hart sitting there like nothing had happened had done something horrible to Eggsy. There were pieces of him missing now, pieces that had disappeared completely when Merlin had reprimanded him for his visceral reaction. Pieces of him that had simply vanished when Harry had told him that it was that very type of reaction which had stopped anyone from telling him who the new Arthur was. 

Those pieces weren’t broken or shattered or dead or torn or anything like that, they were just gone as if they had never been. The affection he’d held for Harry and Roxy and Merlin was simply gone, because in his mind so were they. His friends and comrades and mentors had died already and there was nothing for him to feel for these people with the same faces but none of the same loyalty or love. That change made him ache from his lungs to his legs and made him feel so empty he thought he might float.

The sharp but ultimately empty rapping of his shoes against the tiled floors seemed almost fitting for all that Eggsy had never thought himself to be particularly fond of metaphors or symbolism. It still felt almost right that he didn’t run across a single other person on his walk to Merlin’s office even though the Kingsman headquarters was almost always filled with tech and support people. 

Eggsy knocked, two quick and sharp burst of noise, before he entered. The door was open anyway, but a gentleman always announced his presence. Then again, a gentleman also waits for an offer of entrance, but Eggsy was getting tired of being a gentleman. Gentleman had all kinds of posh and meaningless rules in place only so that others could be more easily offended and judge each other more harshly. Eggsy’d rather be a chav again than have to continue dealing with it all please and thank you. 

“Eggsy,” Merlin stated, spinning around in his chair. There was no surprise in his voice and Eggsy could just see a corner of one of the monitors Merlin had been looking at: it was the corridor he’d just walked down he was sure. “Is there something you need boy-” Merlin cut himself off from using the familiar endearment, wetting his lips carefully before he opened his mouth to speak again, “do you need something Galahad?”

“Came ter say everthin’ was fergiven now didn’ I?” Eggsy replied, resting a hip against the doorway and carefully hiding his hands in his pockets. He couldn’t seem to get them to stop clenching and unclenching and he simply didn’t know why. 

“Lad,” Merlin began, voice soft and sad, “you donae need tah say that unless ye mean it.”

Eggsy pushed off from the door, walking closer to Merlin even though each step was unusually difficult. “I do fergive ya,” Eggsy repeated, because despite everything he really did. He’d forgiven Merlin just as soon as he’d been able to calm down and really think things through. “But if ya’d prefer it, there is somethin’ I need doin’ ya?”

Merlin seemed to almost perk up at the words, a smuch as Merlin ever really perked. In reality, it was more a subtle straightening of the shoulders and a more focused look in Merlin’s eyes that gave him away. “Aye laddie, an’ what can I be doin’ for you?”

Eggsy didn’t give a verbal response, instead lurching forward to run a hand over Merlin’s bald head before skipping jauntily away. “If someone asks ya if I really did it yous gots tah tell them yes.” Eggsy gave Merlin a cheeky grin and got an exasperated but fond eyeroll in reply. 

“Get yerself out of ‘ere before I show you real trouble.” Merlin grumbled, but he was smiling and Eggsy’s mission here was accomplished as well. He had to give the two of them this at least. For everything they’d given him in the past year, he could at least do them this one last kindness. “Cheeky brat,” Eggsy laughed, the sound odd and uncomfortable to his ears. 

“You luv me fer it bruv and don’ you ever ferget it!” Merlin only replied with grumbles that Eggsy couldn’t make out, and he took that as his cue to leave. 

It was easier now to just keep walking. The more momentum Eggsy gained and the farther he walked the easier it was to just keep going. Officially he had two weeks of paid leave, but all Eggsy really needed was the next forty-eight hours. He’d tried it here, tried to settle down roots, and it had turned out so very swell. Harry had died but not died and everyone he thought he could trust had betrayed him. He had enough money now to move and live for years before he needed to worry about finding another job and he already had most of it hidden around the world. It would be easy enough to collect it all, harder to do so without the Kingsman noticing but if Eggsy had learned anything in his year working with the Kingsman, it was that anything was possible. 

Eggsy debated places to go next as he rode the bullet train back to the tailor’s shop. He could always go to Tilde but that would probably be one of the first places Merlin would think to check. He could go to the states, but he didn’t want to run into the Statesmen. Branches of the Kingsmen and the like were almost everywhere around the world, but there were some branches that didn’t get along with the Kingsmen as well as others and he might be able to hide with one of them for a while. 

He knew at least two techies who would do it just to prove they could hide something from Merlin, but Eggsy and Daisy would be rather obvious in Rwanda and and Egypt, so he’d have to settle for something else. Maybe Canada? Eggsy mused, exiting out into Saville Road and hailing a cab. He could have called one of the Kingsman issue ones, but he that would only let them know where he was going and he figured that Merlin would still be willing to believe that he was upset enough to snub the car on mere principle. 

Eggsy gave the cabbie the address to his mother’s apartment. For all he’d tried and tried, she’d refused to leave her old apartment. The only reason she wasn’t still with Dean was because Eggsy’d had the bastard jailed months ago. But, that was how life was sometimes: cruel and unfair to the people who’d suffered the most. Eggsy simply had to make the most of what he could and he did. He always had. 

The ride to the estates felt shorter than it should have been, but Eggsy knew it was because his mind was on other matters. Canada was probably the best place for him and Daisy to go now. The Canadians were surprisingly vicious and vindictive and knew how to keep their mouths shut. They didn’t often have a need to travel out into the world in the same fashion the other agencies did, preferring to keep their machinations more subtle, and Eggsy figured that would be best for him. 

“Mum?” Eggsy called, carefully opening the unlocked door. Eggsy wished she wouldn’t do that, but then he wished his mother wouldn’t do a lot of things she continued to do. 

“E’gy!” Daisy cried at the sound of her brother’s voice. Her little legs worked as hard as they could as she ran to him from where she’d been playing with blocks quietly on the ground. Eggsy’s mum was fast asleep on the sofa and Eggsy sighed softly. It was more tired than anything else, much too tired to get angry or even worried. 

“‘ello little luv, how’s me Daisy flower doin’?” He picked her up and settled her on his hip, listening to her mix of actual sentences and indecipherable babbling. He had a bag of her essentials already packed for her. Just something in case of emergencies. He never thought he’d have to use it for something like this. He was grateful he had it though. 

“We’re goin’ on a little adventure Daisy flower. Gonna travel me’n’you. See some righ’ nice stuff we will.” Eggsy slipped Daisy’s bag over his shoulder before returning to his mother. He didn’t like doing this to her, not at all, but he couldn’t leave Daisy with her either. He pressed a gentle kiss to his mother’s forehead and stepped back. He’d forgiven her for everything years ago, for the neglect and for Dean and everything inbetween. He’d forgiven her, but he’d never forgotten and he’d stopped loving her the day she chose Dean over Daisy. 

Eggsy excited the apartment, locking the door on his way out. It didn’t feel like he was leaving anything behind. All he needed in the world was in his arms, babbling away happily. Daisy was all he needed, all he’d ever need, and he was going to take her somewhere safe. They were going to go somewhere that he didn’t have to worry about people betraying him, where he could find someone proper to take care of Daisy while he worked. She would never have to live like he did, never be afraid or wanting again. 

They made it as far as the plane before Eggsy’s calculations seemed to have failed him. It hadn’t even been ten hours, much less the forty eight he had thought he’d have. Then again, he hadn’t counted on Tristan. 

“I didn’t know,” were the first words out of Tristan’s mouth as the aeroplane took off and Eggsy tried to figure out a safe way to escape with Daisy. “You started getting so much better five months ago and I thought you knew. I thought you knew and just didn’t want to talk about it with me and I understood.” Eggsy had never heard Tristan sound so desperate. He’d never heard Tristan sound anything but mildly amused or completely bland, not even when they’d been having sex. 

“I thought you just felt awkward because I know how you felt about him and we had only just begun our relationship. I didn’t want to push you because I thought I’d lose what little of you I had and I couldn’t bare to. So I kept silent like I thought you were. I’m sorry,” Tristan finally turned to look directly at Eggsy, eyes wide and pleading. It shouldn’t have worked on someone as old as Tristan, although the man wasn’t more than his mid thirties, but somehow it did. 

“You though’ I knew?” Eggsy repeated, almost unable to believe. Daisy strained in his arms, clapping her hands and reaching for her Unc’e Twis’an. 

“Please my darling, you have to believe I would have told you if I had thought anything else.” And God help him but Eggsy did believe. Sitting on an aeroplane to Canada and leaving behind everything he’d ever had, Eggsy did believe, because he just couldn’t bare not to.

“Forgive me for not knowing, please.” Tristan reached out a hesitant hand, not wanting to upset Eggsy but also desperate to touch. For the first time in days, since Eggsy had seen Harry sitting in Arthur’s seat like he didn’t have a care in the world, Eggsy reached out to someone. 

“There’s nothin’ tah fergive luv, nothin’ at all.” Eggsy didn’t question Tristan if he’d be coming along with them, he didn’t have to. Tristan’s Kingsman glasses were missing and so were all of the other Kingsman items he usually kept on him. Tristan had come here knowing what he was getting into, and some of the aching emptiness in Eggsy eased. 

He didn’t have to forgive Tristan for anything, all he had to do was remember the goods times that had come and the goods times that would come. Daisy, who had finally wriggled out of Eggsy’s arms, curled up in Tristan’s lap, happy to have her two favorite people in the world with her, even if she had no idea what was going on. That was okay though, as long as E’gy and Unc’e Twis’an was around, everything would always be okay.

**Author's Note:**

> So this is a part of my NoNoWriMo. I can't actually write a full novel but I can do a one-shot a day. I'll be collecting one-shot prompts from the review of all of the fics I put in this NaNoWriMo series every Monday and using them to keep writing one-shots all this month. So if you have a prompt please leave it for me! It can be any fandom, any pairing (or none), and any plot! I'll reply to the review and let you know if I can do it or not (if I don't know the fandom I can't actually write it very well) so please leave me some prompts!
> 
> Since November didn't start on a Monday I'm going to be collecting what prompts I can randomly until this coming Monday.


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